The only valentine for me
February 13, 2009
You know, herpes is really funny to those that don’t have it. I don’t know, maybe it’s funny for those that do too, it just takes a while to get there. I just imagine this would be much funnier if I didn’t have it. I also imagine that it would be much funnier if I didn’t have to worry about it being the last Valentine I may ever get.
Having herpes and being single makes it pretty easy for me to assume that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. And you know, for the most part I’m ok with that. But on ocassion I think that maybe I’d like the option of being in a relationship again. Oh sure, statistically speaking I should find lots of other “herpsters” (as I once heard them called) that would be willing to mate for life. But first I’d have to put myself out there for rejection. Lots of it. I’m not sure how much I could take before it would seriously crack me. I don’t want to have to lower my standards because I’m looking for someone to accept me. I don’t want to have to put myself out there for people that I wouldn’t want under normal circumstances. Having herpes means having a life filled with either lies, loneliness, substandard partners, or enough rejection to make the average person bitter. But as someone with herpes you kinda realize that there aren’t any other options for you. That’s why this is the only Valentine’s day where I have hated being alone. And that’s why I know that this little e-card wasn’t made by someone that has herpes, just by someone who doesn’t understand it and all the implications it comes with. So, fuck you Valentine’s. I will no longer take part in your red and pink celebrations. I will be spending tonight, and every night from here on out, alone.
February 21, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Happy Valentines day a bit late. I know what you are going through and it isn’t fun. My now ex wife gave it to me while we were married from what I now know to be her numerous affairs. So in the end it makes for some very lonely Valentines Days or as I like to call it “Herpes Awareness Day”. It is that lovely day where you come to the sinking realization that if you thought dating was hard before it has become nearly impossible now. Most people never call you again after the initial “hey there is something I need to tell you” conversation. I have had two people make it past that conversation in the last five years. God bless both of them because they have given me hope